What do rednecks have in common with Skyrim? Aside from the fact that both have farms, you can find almost every sort of batshit crazy in your face scenario in both.
So after losing around 150 hours of my precious life to this game, I decided to make a blog post explaining why Skyrim is for the insane -- for the sexual-deviants, the kleptos, the deranged twilight fans, and yes, theres a place in Skyrim for you too.
So after losing around 150 hours of my precious life to this game, I decided to make a blog post explaining why Skyrim is for the insane -- for the sexual-deviants, the kleptos, the deranged twilight fans, and yes, theres a place in Skyrim for you too.
HOARDERS
Do you ever have that feeling of wanting to keep everything you've ever owned? Well now you can! Almost everything in Skyrim can be picked up which means you can hoard as much shit as humanly possible. Now some people get creative with this and really go out of their way to show off their hoarding skills. Others, not so much but thats not the point. The point isn't what you have... ITS HOW MUCH YOU HAVE RIGHT? And the great thing about Skyrim is the variety of items you can hoard (namely, everything). You want a Glenmoril witch head? You got it! A hundred ruined books? Yes, please! Theres so much to hoard and so little time!
ROMANTICS & SWINGERS
For those people who are a little frisky in bed, know that you aren't alone for Haelga in Riften shares the same feelings. Though I'm not sure you can participate in Haelga's ... "fun time", you can get married! I know I know its not the same, but hey its way closer than any ass you're getting ATM right? And your NPC wife will most likely cheat on your sorry ass if you neglect her so in a way, its like settling down and getting into that relationship you always wanted but will never have.
PSYCHOPATHS & SERIAL KILLERS
This one is a given. You kill a bunch of forsworn, bandits, falmers, etc in the game and you don't really give a shit. But for someone to really kill an entire town in Skyrim.. It's quite devastating. You form bonds with these people, deliver their parcels from Riften to Markarth, play tag with the children. I'm convinced that you really do have to be some sort of psychopath or at least extremely intoxicated to wipe out every NPC (as they don't revive without cheats) and save. But hey, whatever gets you off! I won't tell.
KLEPTOMANIACS
Who needs to clip coupons when you can FUCKING STEAL?!? If you're the type of person who loves stealing everything in the real world -- Swiffer Wet Jets, toothbrushes, Haribo gummy bears, enemas, anything, and everything then Skyrim is for you. If the thought of a bag full of stolen Nord mead, troll fat, and wooden buckets are tantalizing for you, then you need to start playing ASAP. If you level up enough you can even pickpocket the clothes off their backs like this fellow.
FAILED INTERIOR DESIGNERS
With Skyrim, everything is an art. For those withdrawn wannabe art collectors, here is a safe haven for you to go wild with artistic expression in the comfort of your own home. Feel like creating pure havoc in your house with broken pieces of wood, ruined books, and other pieces of precious art that others so hastily call junk but never could? Now you can!
YOU
So for those people who are in self denial to any of these traits or who honestly do not see themselves transforming into a werewolf, decorating their house with assorted meats, killing the entire population of Whiterun, reading every book or collecting every item, there's always the possibility of playing the game as the "normal" human being and killing dragons, ending the civil war, or even just becoming a lone hunter-gatherer and saying fuck you to the whole story line.
P.S. All photos aside from the first one are not mine and are property of their respected owners :)
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